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Post by The Hush is BACK on Jul 6, 2006 1:15:31 GMT -5
Heard a good joke lately?
Post it here! 
Mine:
"The Flying Condom"
Q: Why was the rubber flying through the air?
A: It got pissed off.
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Post by ReZourceman on Jul 6, 2006 5:44:25 GMT -5
Lol.
*Gasp look, a really pointless reply...maybe I should make it so these dont count towards post count*
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Post by EmperorNorton on Jul 6, 2006 5:46:38 GMT -5
First American to grasp concept of irony
Jay Fullmer, 38, yesterday became the first American to get to grips with the concept of irony.
"It was weird" Fullmer said. "I was in London and like, talking to this guy and it was raining and he pulled a face and said, "Great weather eh?" and I thought - "Wait a minute, no way is it great weather".
Fullmer then realised that the other man's 'mistake' was in fact deliberate.
Fullmer, who is 39 next month and married with two children, aged 8 and 3, plans to use irony himself in future.
"I'm, like, using it all the time" he said. "Last weekend I was grilling steaks, and I burned them, and I said "Hey, great weather."
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Post by ReZourceman on Jul 6, 2006 8:15:06 GMT -5
First American to grasp concept of ironyJay Fullmer, 38, yesterday became the first American to get to grips with the concept of irony. "It was weird" Fullmer said. "I was in London and like, talking to this guy and it was raining and he pulled a face and said, "Great weather eh?" and I thought - "Wait a minute, no way is it great weather". Fullmer then realised that the other man's 'mistake' was in fact deliberate. Fullmer, who is 39 next month and married with two children, aged 8 and 3, plans to use irony himself in future. "I'm, like, using it all the time" he said. "Last weekend I was grilling steaks, and I burned them, and I said "Hey, great weather." |
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Post by Charaxes on Jul 6, 2006 13:04:31 GMT -5
First American to grasp concept of ironyJay Fullmer, 38, yesterday became the first American to get to grips with the concept of irony. "It was weird" Fullmer said. "I was in London and like, talking to this guy and it was raining and he pulled a face and said, "Great weather eh?" and I thought - "Wait a minute, no way is it great weather". Fullmer then realised that the other man's 'mistake' was in fact deliberate. Fullmer, who is 39 next month and married with two children, aged 8 and 3, plans to use irony himself in future. "I'm, like, using it all the time" he said. "Last weekend I was grilling steaks, and I burned them, and I said "Hey, great weather." Yeah...that was funny... |
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Post by Paj Meen Ah on Jul 6, 2006 13:54:21 GMT -5
Those werent hilarious ones...only mildly amusant.
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Post by The Hush is BACK on Jul 6, 2006 15:30:26 GMT -5
Those werent hilarious ones...only mildly amusant.
My joke today:
One day an Indian boy asked his father why they have such long names.
The dad answers, "Well son whenever a Indian baby is born the father would go outside and name the baby after the first thing he sees... Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?" |
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Post by Conchizzie on Jul 7, 2006 0:38:14 GMT -5
You want hilarious? I'll give you hilarious.
George goes to college. Everything's great, except one thing: it's a guy only campus. so, he goes to his roomate and says, "What do you guys do for pleasure and sex around here?" His roomate replied' "there is this oak tree out on the back of campus. There's a little hole and you can guess what goes in it." So George goes to the tree, sticks it in, and he thinks to himself, "Damn, this is the best oral ever." He comes back the next day:even better. But on the third day, there was nothing. George went to his roomate and asked, "what happened?" His roomate replied, "Oh, I completely forgot, today was your day."
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Post by The Hush is BACK on Jul 7, 2006 3:42:47 GMT -5
Hilarious, Conchizzie!
Another one from me:
Q: What do you get when you cross a rooster and an owl?
A: A cock that stays up all night!
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Post by Parallax on Jul 7, 2006 13:10:50 GMT -5
[WARNING: HORREDOUSLY OFFENSIVE JOKE BELOW]
Q:What's the worst part about sex with 5 year olds?
A:Getting the blood off your clown suit.
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Post by The Hush is BACK on Jul 7, 2006 18:28:03 GMT -5
Mine for the day:
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.
One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice " I'd like to try the bet" After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon,
and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.
But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man "what do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?" The man replied "I work for the IRS."
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Post by Charaxes on Jul 8, 2006 8:07:36 GMT -5
[WARNING: HORREDOUSLY OFFENSIVE JOKE BELOW] Q:What's the worst part about sex with 5 year olds? A:Getting the blood off your clown suit. You call that bad?? You obivously haven't heard any of my jokes... they're so bad that I don't fell comfortable sharing them... ever... |
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Post by ReZourceman on Jul 10, 2006 8:22:33 GMT -5
Post them here, or at least pm me.
And nice clown suit joke. ;D
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Post by The Hush is BACK on Jul 10, 2006 20:17:39 GMT -5
Mine today:
TOP TEN THINGS WOMEN WOULD DO IF THEY WOKE UP AND HAD A PENIS FOR A DAY...
10. Get ahead faster in corporate America.
9. Get a blow job.
8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.
7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.
6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently.
5. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.
4. Touch yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may seem.
3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.
2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a man's eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.
1. Repeat number 9......
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Post by ReZourceman on Jul 11, 2006 5:11:18 GMT -5
Hahaha!
Thats great Hush!
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Post by The Hush is BACK on Jul 13, 2006 3:57:55 GMT -5
Another top10 list.
TOP TEN REASONS WHY TRICK OR TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX.....
10. You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7. You don't have to compliment the person who gives you so me.
6. It's O.K. when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else, because you are.
5. Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy.
4. If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.
3. It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2. Less guilt the morning after.
1. You can do the whole neighborhood.
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