Chapter 2 Solo: Jeff

[JKL]

Jeff Grex is not a man accustomed to being caught unawares. Suddenly finding himself transported to a university on the other side of the globe, which he knew very little about, therefore, was entirely unacceptable. But, unfortunately, he seemed to be standing in an area in which his PDA didn't have particularly good access to the internet. Welcome to WM.

Looking at the map, he noticed a building labeled "Earl Gregg Swem Library." In an effort to rectify his current ignorance, he decided that perhaps it would be a good idea to go there.

Following a few brick paths, he soon found himself passing a fountain and entering the large, automatic doors of the library. As he passed the Starbucks located in one of the front rooms, a feeling of greatness passed over him, as though he could feel the achievements of the previous users of this library.

The feeling passed as he saw several odd looking individuals wandering about the library. One was a black man with extremely close cropped hair and a goatee, wearing a black and silver cloak. Another was a pale young man with auburn hair, wearing a suit. Over the suit, he was wearing a kilt. The third individual was dressed more normally, wearing a T-shirt, some jeans, and some cowboy boots. He was slightly heavy, had long blonde hair, and wore glasses, but nevertheless radiated cool.

The last one was the strangest one of all. He was wearing a collared shirt and a tie, along with fairly nice pants and a pair of hiking boots. On his back were little fairy wings, clearly designed to be worn by a six year old girl. There was no swing in his skeletal arms as he walked. Perhaps oddest of all was the head, completely covered except for the eyes, which had a mad look to them. The left eye had a faint scar coming out from it. The rest of his face and head were obscured by a bright orange softball helmet, with an attached faceplate. Hanging from the faceplate was a long, thick, black hose, like the kind you would put on a vacuum cleaner.

These strangely dressed men were walking around the library, asking those perusing the books, "Would you like to be in a bad horror movie?" From the man in the helmet, however, came a growled, "Would you like to get your brain eaten?"

[No Wow]

"Ummm... what?"

[JKL]

(This is entirely based upon real events. Ain't college grand?)

[No Wow]

"So, lets see what info I can find here"

[JKL]

"The College of William and Mary is a small coeducational public university located in Williamsburg, Virginia, United States. It is the second-oldest institution of higher education in the United States and one of the original eight Public Ivies.

William & Mary was founded in 1693 by a Royal Charter issued by King William III and Queen Mary II of England. William & Mary educated U.S. Presidents Thomas Jefferson, James Monroe, and John Tyler and other key figures important to the development of the nation, including U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice John Marshall and 16 signers of the U.S. Declaration of Independence. In addition, George Washington received his surveyor's certificate from William & Mary.

Known for its liberal arts program, William & Mary has a top ranked business school and also offers a law program (the first in the United States), as well as several other graduate programs. W&M is notable in higher education for the founding of the Phi Beta Kappa academic honor society.

Although considered one of the first universities in America, the school retains the traditional "College" in its name as was specified in its Royal Charter of 1693 . The institution's official name is The College of William and Mary in Virginia..."*

"Hey, you want to be in a bad horror movie?" It's the most normal looking of the guys asking about the horror movie, although the dude in the helmet isn't too far behind him.

*Borrowed from Wikipedia

[No Wow]

"Ummm.... no thanks."

Jeff didn't want to be in a horror film.

[JKL]

"You sure? We'll pay you."

The weirdo in the helmet looks over to the normal looking guy.
"We'll what?"
"Just give him the thing you caught in the dorm after we're done."
"Which thing?"
"What do you mean 'which thing'? That thing you caught!"
"I catch a lot of things in the dorm. Do you mean the thing I found in the bathroom, the thing I found behind the fridge, or the thinga that were bothering the girls on second?"
"The last one! You caught two of them anyway!"

How do you respond?

[No Wow]

Fine, I'll give it a shot.

[JKL]

"Sweet!" says the normally dressed guy. "Guys, we got one!"

Jeff followed this strange assortment of individuals into the Library Basement, into a room with a fairly small green screen and a camera set up. A few other people are down there, including one guy dressed up in an army uniform.

"All right," says the relatively normal looking guy with the glasses. "We're shooting Attack of the Beautifly. I basically got bored and wrote a screen play. The premise is that the evil Doctor Monarch," (gesturing towards the guy with the fairy wings and the helmet with the hose attachment, I really wish I had pictures because it was just a ridiculous costume), "Used a novelty juice beverage to mutate some butterflies into poisonous monsters. After his butterflies get destroyed by global warming, he turns himself into a giant Butterfly Mutant Thing. What we need you to do is be a random victim that he devours the brain of."

"Grabble grawl, Eat brains," says the "Evil Doctor Monarch."

They set Jeff up in front of the green screen.

"ACTION!"

"GRAAAAGH! I DON'T HAVE A WITTICISM FOR THIS SCENE!" roars the "Evil Doctor Monarch."

The Evil Doctor Monarch wants to fight!

The Evil Doctor Monarch sent out...The Evil Doctor Monarch!!!
Lv Q SP 5 HP Grrrrrrrrr
Stupid Looking Type
Attacks:
??

What do you do?

(And trust me, there's very little you can do that would make the movie any worse than it ended up, so feel free to be creative.)

[No Wow]

Jeff is a bit perplexed, and as "The Evil Doctor Monarch" steps towards him to devour his brain, he reacts with a fist to the Dr.'s face.

"Oh shit!" said Jeff, forgetting his role. "Are you okay?!"

[JKL]

Game called on account of punching the GM in the face.
















Fortunately for the Evil Doctor Monarch, there's very little room for a fist to go through on the helmet. Unfortunately, Jeff Grex managed to do it anyway, his hand colliding with an incredibly hard skull.

The Evil Dr. Monarch, while a little stunned by this, responds, "FOOLISH HUMAN! YOUR FISTS ARE NO MATCH FOR THE EVIL DR. MONARCH'S CHITINOUS EXOSKELETON! GRAAGH! BLARGH!"

He gets into a boxing pose.

I'm almost afraid to ask what you do next.

[No Wow]

"Oh god, I'm so sorry!"

Seeing the Evil Doctor get into a boxing pose, Jeff realised his apology meant little him.

Jeff hoped this didn't messy. Being the best martial artist in his town, he'd have to wipe the floor with Doctor's face.

Jeff wanted the camera to stop, he had realised he wasn't very good at acting...

[JKL]

Doctor Monarch tilts his head to the side slightly, something rather awkwards given the ridiculous cranial encumberment, shrugs, walks away from the green screen and off camera, picks up a (very) fake plastic laser gun, and walks back in front of the camera.

[No Wow]

Looking around the room, Jeff spots a plastic lightsabre off the screen to one side.

He runs to pick it up, then returns onscreen, twirling it around his head Jedi-style.

[JKL]

The Evil Doctor Monarch runs off screen, grabs a wooden Kendo Stick from the black guy with the cloak, and spins it in one hand. He drops it, looks down at it. And picks it up a little embarassed.

[No Wow]

Jeff stifles a laugh, and proceeds to hit at the Doctor's kneecaps with the plastic sabre.