Jokes!

[ReZourceman]

A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynaecologist. The doctor took one look at her, and all his professionalism went out the window.

He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed, the doctor began to stroke her thigh.

Doing so, he asked her, "Do you know what I'm doing?"

"Yes," she replied, "You’re checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."

"That is right," said the doctor.

He then began to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I'm doing now?"

"Yes," the woman said, "you're checking for any lumps or breast cancer."

"Correct," replied the shady doctor.

Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her.

He asked, "Do you know what I'm doing now?"

"Yes," she said. "You're getting herpes, which is why I came here in the first place."

[Paj Meen Ah]

You allready posted this.

Please come back with a good one.

*leaves*

[Domi]

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants.

The bartender says, "you've got a steering wheel in your pants."

The pirate says "Arr, 'tis drivin' me nuts."

[ReZourceman]

pashy said:

You allready posted this.

Please come back with a good one.

*leaves*

What? No way.

I havnt.

[Domi]

I've never seen him post it before.

(on the other hand, I haven't been around here for long...)

[Paj Meen Ah]

Well, maybe it was Hush. Go to the old jokes thread.

I remember it.

[Charaxes]

admin said:

pashy said:

You allready posted this.

Please come back with a good one.

*leaves*

What? No way.

I havnt.

Someone did. I definitely remember this joke.

*side note: I'm currently attempting to type out my Aristocrats joke. It should be up before the end of the weekend...*

[Domi]

Maybe he posted it on HCR, 'cause it seems familiar to me too.

[ReZourceman]

Hmmm. I could search one of the words.


Nope just been said 3 times on this site. Once by me. Once by Pash, and once by Chair/Driv/Amora.

[Domi]

I sense MPD.

[ReZourceman]

Another joke;



Your face.


...Well it made me laugh.

[Domi]

Oh yeah? Well, your mom!



*sniff*

[Paj Meen Ah]

Mum > Mom.

*overly amercian accent* Moughmmmy!

[JKL]

Get your smite buttons warmed up. It's time for the Purple Purple Pushpop.

Before I get started, I'm gonna say that it works better spoken than written.

So, little Timmy was at school one day. He's a good student. He likes baseball. Average little boy, right? Well, unfortunately for him, one day that allllllllll went out the window. It began like any other day. He had his cornflakes for breakfast, and went to school. While he was going to the classroom, he hears someone say the phrase "Purple Purple Pushpop." Now, he'd never heard this phrase before, so being the inquisitive lad he is, he goes to ask the teacher.

"Ms. Crabtree," he asks, since that was his teacher's name, "What's a Purple Purple Pushpop?"

The teacher gasps. Her skin turns several interesting shades of red, and she begins to quake. "Timmy, Go to the Principal's Office! NOW!"

Timmy's stunned, but being the good little boy he is, he nervously goes to the principal's office. He walks down the hall, feeling as though he was getting ready for his execution.

When he finally gets to the office, the Principal is sitting there trying to look busy. When he notices Timmy is in the office, he's stunned. "Timmy, you never cause trouble. What are you doing here?"

"Well, I went to the teacher, now I'm here."
"Why?"
"I asked her what a Purple Purple Pushpop was."
The principal is shocked. "YOU'RE EXPELLED! GET OUT!" he roars.

So, after about an hour of walking, Timmy gets home. His mom is there, making cookies. They're bound to be yummy cookies, because I'm pretty sure it's a felony for moms to make non-yummy cookies.

"Timmy, what are you doing home? Did something happen at school?"
"Well, I went from the teacher to the principal, and now I'm here."
"The principal? Why?"
"I asked them what a Purple Purple Pushpop is."

Well, his mom's hair goes entirely white at this pronouncement. She lets out a bloodcurdling scream. And then she sends Timmy up to his room to await punishment from his father.

Eventually, Timmy's dad gets home from his run of the mill white collared job of an indeterminate nature, and goes up to talk to Little Timmy.

"Timmy, your mother said you were in trouble. What happened?"
"Well, I went from the teacher to the principal to mom, and now I'm up here."
"Why?"
"I asked him what a Purple Purple Pushpop is."

Were Timmy's dad a right-winged person to the point of psychosis, he would have shot Timmy right then and there. Instead, he just threw Timmy out of the house, and shouted, "I have no son!"

Well, Timmy was confused. He wasn't sure why he was now out on the street, as the street is no place to be for little boys. Indeed, this notion was reinforced when he got mugged by an unexpectedly polite mugger.

"Good day," said the mugger as he hit Timmy in the back of the head with a sap. "What is a fine young lad like yourself doing on the street? The street, after all, is no place for a little boy."

"Well," said Timmy as he found himself significantly less burdened by his meager possessions, "I went from the teacher to the principal to my mom to my dad, and now I'm here."
"Why?" asked the mugger as he played with a newly liberated frisbee.
"I asked them what a Purple Purple Pushpop is."

The mugger was so shocked by this, he ran, grabbed a cop, and dragged said cop over to little Timmy, who was sitting there, mildly concussed.

"Hello little Timmy," said the friendly cop. "What are you doing on the street? It's no place for little boys."
"You're telling me," said little Timmy. "I went from the teacher to the principal to my mom to my dad, then I got mugged by the mugger, and now I'm here."
"Why?"
"I asked them what a Purple Purple Pushpop was."

Little Timmy suddenly found himself cuffed and getting his rights read to him. Five years later (thanks to the magic of the United States Justice System), Little Timmy found himself being tried as an adult in a Federal Court.

"Do you know why you're here?" asked the judge.
"Not really," said little Timmy. "I went from the teacher to the principal to my mom to my dad, got mugged by a mugger, got arrested by the cop, and now I'm here."
"Why?"
"Because I asked them what a Purple Purple Pushpop was."

Everyone in the courtroom gasped. Somewhere in the front row, a woman fainted. Thanks to this, Timmy was given the death penalty. And after another five years (thanks to several failed appeals), Timmy found himself strapped to the Chair, with an all-too-cheerful executioner.

"So, why are you getting barbecued?"
"Well, I went from the teacher to the principal to my mom to my dad, got mugged by the mugger, got arrested by the cop, went to the judge, and now I'm here."
"Why?"
"I asked them what a Purple Purple Puspop was."

BWRZAP BWRZAP! When Little Timmy came to, he found himself in a place that was unseasonably warm for any season, that smelled of sulfur, and had elevator music playing. He soon found himself being prodded by a tiny demon.

"Hey, we don't usually get them this young," hissed the demon. "What are you doing down here? Did you blow up the Pope's dog?"
"Well, I went from the teacher to the principal to my mom to my dad, got mugged by the mugger, got arrested by the cop, went to court, got fried by the executioner, and now I'm here."
"Why?"
"I asked them what a Purple Purple Pushpop is."
"Go see the MEDIUM demon!"

So he goes to the medium demon, who is somewhat bigger and scarier. He seemed to breath acid, and he stank like a paper factory. His voice was suspiciously like Stevie Nicks's.

"What are you doing here?"
"I went from the teacher to the principal to my mom to my dad, got mugged by the mugger, arrested by the cop, went to the judge, got fried to the executioner, saw the tiny demon, and now I'm here."
"Why?"
"I asked them what a Purple Purple Pushpop was."
"Go to SATAN'S OFFICE!"

As Little Timmy walked down the hallways of Hell, he couldn't help but have a feeling of deja vu, almost as if this was how the whole thing started in the first place. He finally found Satan's office, and opened the door.

Now, Satan has a really nice office. Big couches all over the place. There's a disco ball hanging from the ceiling. There were strippers in cages hanging from the ceiling. He had several gigantic plasma televisions, and he had XBox 360, the Wii, and the PS3. It was great.

"Yo, kid," Satan hissed. "What are you doing in my office?"
"Well, I went from the teacher to the principal to my mom to my dad, got mugged by the mugger, got arrested by the cop, went to the judge, got fried by the executioner, went to the tiny and medium demons, and now I'm here."
"Why?"
"I asked them what a Purple Purple Pushpop was."

Satan grabbed little Timmy, and punted him through the ceiling of his office. The next thing Little Timmy knew, he was in heaven talking to a small angel.

"Where did you come from?" asked the small angel.
"Well, I went from the teacher to the principal to my mom to my dad, got mugged by the mugger, got arrested by the cop, went to the judge, got fried by the executioner, saw the small and medium demons, saw Satan, and now I'm here."
"Why?"
"I asked them what a Purple Purple Pushpop was."

The utterance of this phrase caused the small angel to explode. It was an interesting experience for Little Timmy, who'd never seen a supernatural being explode in real life. I mean, sure, he'd seen plenty do so on TV. But never right there in front of him.

This explosion attracted the attention of a medium angel.
"Whoa, what did you do to him?"
"Well, I went from the teacher to the principal to my mom to my dad, got mugged by the mugger, got arrested by the cop, went to the judge, got fried by the executioner, saw the small and medium demons, saw Satan, blew up the small angel, and now I'm here."
"Why?"
"I asked them what a Purple Purple Pushpop was."
The Medium Angel was made of sterner stuff than the Small Angel. However, the utterance of this phrase did cause the Medium Angel to burst into flames. As he stood there burning, the Angel yelled at Timmy to go to God's office.

As Timmy wandered down the halls of Heaven, he realized how incredibly sick he was of walking to people's offices. So he decided he wasn't going to go. He turned around to go the opposite way of God's office. However, no matter which way he went, he always ended up next to God's office. He sighed, and went in.

God's office isn't nearly as interesting as Satan's. I don't know when this information would ever come of use to you. I'm just saying that, if you ever go into God's office, prepare to be disappointed.

Little Timmy soon heard God's booming voice. "Hey man," said God, in a voice that had a strange resemblance to the voice of Tommy Chong. "Like, pretend I'm not omniscient and everything, and tell me, like, how you got here."
"Well, I went from the teacher to the principal to my mom to my dad, got mugged by the mugger, got arrested by the cop, went to the judge, got fried by the executioner, saw the small and medium demons, saw Satan, blew up the small angel, immolated the medium angel, and now I'm here."
"Why, man? Why go through all that trouble?"
"I asked them what a Purple Purple Pushpop is."
God sighed. "Purple Purple Pushpop, huh?"
"Yeah, and no one's told me!"
"Well, are you sure you want to know?" God asked.
"Yes, I'm sure!"
"Are you positive?"
"I'm positive."
"Because if you're not ready, you can always come back and ask."
"I'm ready, I'm ready! Just tell me! The suspense is killing me!"

"Okay. It's, like, four pages of reading, or like, twenty minutes of listening that pisses everybody off."

[Paj Meen Ah]

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I didn't even smile.

That was actually the least funny thing ever. / I was mildly amused by the woan fainting.

I hate jokes. I can only laugh at funny films or TV; physical comedy.